Epic class fitted armor, and priced right
The first one I bought in 5xl almost 5 years ago when I weighed about 498lbs and i loved it then, effortlessly affording me the vanity of that true land whale feel and look, got compliments all the time. like "woah is that a hairless circus cow on two legs” or " oh no orcas learned to walk and are now beginning their land invasion". The one thing I do miss is people randomly grabbing the side tassels and attempting to walk me like a Macey's day parade Balloon, but as in anything else, all good things must come to an end, I eventually lost a whopping 309lbs, "yay for me, right? “.. well yes and no although the fat is gone, skin is a little more difficult to remove, since I was well over the return period and not totally comfortable with resorting to a do-it-yourself Buffalo Bill method, then fashioning the harvested "material" into a flesh-colored version of this jacket (waste not, want not), I reluctantly opted the next logical choice also just the sight or mere thought of blood makes me gag. Correct, I decided to focus on hourly rigorous and relentless self-body shaming, even recruiting family and friends to join on self-hazing and ridicule sessions, paid of course "since nothing worth doing is free". Eventually I became comfortable with my new 5'11 187lb hairless tattoo covered sugar glider squirrel look, and only after excruciating research careful strategic financial planning aided by studying and unlocking the secrets of many ponzie business quotes, feverishly grounding my spirit and mind with copious amounts of sweet fruit flavored malt libations, careful and mature considerations lasting several seconds, with a visceral war yelp to summon out the suppressed inner rage of a thousand pugs, I asked my mom in a thunderous indecipherable mumble for permission, as she slumbered. Accepting her peaceful comatose silence as approval, I pulled the trigger ended up buying a second, master crafted jacket in a medium as prescribed by the very accurate size chart., mostly out of fear that my new full body bingo wings could catch a sudden gust of wind like loose boat sails, and inadvertently cause me injury. Before I knew it, or maybe was coherent enough, finally responding to the never-ending doorbells and knocking that seemed to go on for a week, there it was just past someone who I assumed to be an undercover delivery person that protected my package from dreaded porch pirates was for some reason rambling or talking in code about doing things or rent I don’t really know, but seemed kinda serious. anyway not a moment too soon all my problems were solved. With this ingenious purchase i was able to develop a meticulous skin muumuu tucking protocol that could only be held fast by the top notch stitching and quality hides put together in this seemingly mythical in nature production of a jacket. With tears in my eyes I can say now that know the comfort that a boneless edema bloated hand would feel in well fitting glove, perfect and just right. I am almost certain that somewhere during its creation Elvin sorcery or Dwarven craft has to be involved, since they have done an amazing job at hiding the Tengwar script, or runes that would validate my theories I cannot identify conclusively the origin of its power. I applaud and thank them for not making this item overly priced, and would recommend it to anyone in the market for an all-season jacket. Yes, I said all season, the “collective” as i refer to the ones who designed and developed this artifact, doing so only because I cannot confirm its origin, made the life force retaining dragon scale liner effortlessly REMOVABLE in the blink of a severely cataract occluded amputated eye, or even an arthritic Neanderthal born with all thumbs. In my opinion, this could be very handy for instance, should you find yourself in a precarious Fonz garb requiring situation where one may need to teleport instantly from say, battling seemingly endless hoards reanimated yellow snow creatures through an artic tundra, into the hell fires of Mount Doom, to valiantly retrieve a negligently disposed of unmentioned precious item capable of IMPOSING world peace under one glorious, slender, flight capable ruler, from the chard remains of its rightful but no longer “in need of” owner. Now I’m not saying it would be easy, but this armor “at least for me” has definitely quelled any fear of bedwetting accidents intentional or otherwise. I feel it deep in my giblets that in conjunction with some better route planning, and reliable transportation, not limited to magical, mammalian, avian, reptilian, or cryptid, but never moms car, it would be totally plausible in a solo quest, but only with this in your arsenal. This is simply the opinion of a 46-year-old man child, and not intend to be considered fact nor fiction, these statements have only been validated evaluated and constructed by the sponsored and paid for voices in my head, this review does not reflect the opinions, advise, or professional diagnosis of my psychiatric team or affiliates. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME..OR YOUR NEIGHBORS YARD. Must be verified fictional only with omnipresent permission. (Snow people)used under non legal paid advise for identity preference) not intended to offend any creature, groups, persons, or apparitions. alive, slayed, or Vaporous in form. Not affiliated or implied to resemble anyone or anything that has ever been created or imagined prior to or post conclusion of event zero, the big bang, and or wherever time might be relative, or suggestive. Read more
